


You Are Weak

by Matrya



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Conversations with Dead People, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-06
Updated: 2012-08-06
Packaged: 2017-11-11 13:30:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/479051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matrya/pseuds/Matrya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander doesn't have the patience for this anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Weak

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this about eight years ago? Maybe ten? I've polished it up, but it's still fairly retro.

Xander jumped back at the sight of his dead friend standing in his bathroom.

"Not cool, man," Jesse chastised. "Not even a hello for the old friend you keep forgetting about."

"Jesse, man, I never..."

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Right, sure, I'm really feeling the love. You never mention me, man, never visit."

Xander looked around. "W-where am I supposed to visit? You're dead."

"I don't know, man. Just say a few words or something. You haven't even been to my parents’ house since high school!"

"How do you know that? I mean, I'm not stupid, I know you aren't actually Jesse."

Jesse's face became wounded. "Dude, that hurts. I mean, c'mon! I'm as much Jesse as you are Xander." He looked his friend up and down. "Okay, maybe that's a bad example."

"Hey!"

"I hear Atkins is great, just sayin'."

"Okay, just shut up. You're just proving how much you aren't Jesse."

Jesse shrugged. "Whatever you say. While I'm here, do you mind if I air a few grievances?"

Pointing to the toilet, Xander noted, "I kind of came in here for a reason."

"Oh, it's fine, man, I don't mind."

"I sorta do," Xander said. "I don't need the original evil watching me pee."

Jesse cringed. "Evil? C'mon, man. Whatever, look, okay, I'll look away." He walked around Xander and stared straight at the door. "I mean, if you don't want me to hear, feel free to turn on the water or whatever. So, here it comes, my list of grievances. Are you ready?"

Nodding, Xander unzipped his fly. "I guess."

"Okay, so, I already mentioned the not visiting my parents thing, right? Because they totally loved you."

"You mentioned," he confirmed.

Jesse nodded. "All right, cool. Next on my list is Cordelia. I mean, c'mon, you knew I was into her."

Xander glanced back at him. "You were into everyone at one point or another."

"Not untrue, but I was sweet on her when I died. It made her kind of special."

"Okay, I'm sorry I dated Cordelia," Xander spouted off.

"Thanks, man. Now, my next complaint is how you gave Will credit for the fire trucks on your seventh birthday."

Xander tucked himself back in, wondering, "You set the neighbour's house on fire?"

Jesse nodded. "For you, Xan, and you thought it was Will? Now, don't get me wrong, but Willow? I don't think she had a rule-breaking bone in her body until Mr Rosenberg bought her that IBM."

"Well, I guess, thank you for the fire trucks, Jesse. I loved it," he offered, confused.

"That's all I'm asking for. Next on the list is, man, that whole thing where you were possessed by the hyena? Not cool."

Spinning around, Xander asked, "Why are you doing this?"

Jesse turned to look at him. "You said I could air my issues."

"You're the First. I know it, you know it. Is there at all a point to this little exchange?"

"Is there seriously no one the First could come to you as, other than me, to hit a nerve?" Jesse shook his head. "Network, man. Okay, my list got all jumbled. I think leaving that hot chick at the altar was somewhere on it--"

"Okay, look, shut up! Go the hell away." He flipped on the sink, pouring too much soap into his hands. "I don't need the Evil Dead to be screwing around with my head right now."

Jesse shrugged. "If that's what you want. Just remember, keep an eye out. And, hey, go visit my parents. They loved you."

Jesse popped out of the bathroom as Xander finished rinsing his hands. Shaking his head, he turned the water to cold and splashed at his face.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Memo:** I don't check comments or kudos, but feel free to yell at me on [tumblr](http://matrya.tumblr.com) or [check out](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Matrya) my other writing!


End file.
